Count It All Joy

Autism. A thing I knew absolutely nothing about and that now seems to define my entire life. Autism changed my life almost immediately after my 2 sons were born, both diagnosed with ASD (Autism Spectrum Disorder) at age 3 and 2 of my oldest and youngest, respectively.

Autism now defines the way I cook, work, sleep, and go to the bathroom. It also defines my family budget, where we do our grocery shopping, the music I can listen to while I’m driving, the type of house I can live in, and everything else in between.

And I know I’m not alone.

Ask any parent of a child in the Autism spectrum and they will tell you how much their lives have been drastically changed by their child’s condition, so much so that a recent study published by The Journal of Autism and Developmental Disorders quantified the levels of chronic stress experienced by 96 ASD mothers and compared them to those of combat soldiers in a battlefield. The study found that the average levels in the biomarkers measured to assess chronic stress were “similar” in both groups. That’s right, similar as in not statistically different.

But unlike parents, soldiers are highly trained for the stress of war and most importantly, they understand their mission. They know that war is temporary and that there’s an end in sight. They know there’s a higher purpose, something greater than themselves they decided to embrace, defend and consider it an honor to die for.

What ASD parents experience every day is nothing short of a battle. It’s a battle with no apparent purpose or end in sight, and one that (frankly) nobody really seems to understand. A battle that may seem at times like chasing the wind in search of an explanation and a cure. And one fought against a world that seems utterly oblivious to our needs when we’re lucky and that imposes all kinds of additional burdens on us when we’re not.

And just like soldiers, we give everything we have every single day to improve our kids’ chances to have a better future. We spend countless hours and resources trying to improve our children’s ability to talk, read, write, eat by themselves, get potty trained, etc. and yet, we get hit by what seems to be an inescapable reality over and over, and then again.

No matter how hard we’ve tried, Autism has found a way to make a powerful statement about our utter inability to control our circumstances. It seems like whatever illusion of control we have is like a balloon that inflates little by little with the most recent success story but that gets popped shortly after by a crazy unexpected meltdown or by regressive behavior on something we thought we had already achieved. And without a sense of purpose, without a mission or end in sight for all the pain and suffering, we’re left to grieve.

We grieve every time we see our children helpless and unable to do things that for the rest of the world are just as natural as breathing but that for them seem like insurmountable tasks. And there we go again, trapped in the endless cycle of suffering and confusion grieving over what could’ve been but isn’t and (we think) may never be.

THAT is the most important piece missing in the (so called) “Autism puzzle.” Autism is a battle fought against an unfriendly world, but most importantly, a battle raging deep inside our hearts, minds and souls. Against the incessant pain, confusion and self-doubt we live with. And to my utter shock, parents rarely talk about how they’re coping with everything they’re going through!

Combat soldiers receive training throughout their whole lives to endure the stress of war, they strive to be physically and mentally prepared for the next battle… So why are we not doing the same?

We can equip ourselves to find lasting joy in our daily battle with Autism, to look forward into the future with excitement and hope, and to empower our kids to develop their God-given talents to the fullest.

It’s possible!

But unlike any other battle we might have encountered in our lives before, Autism is one where faith must be our shield to overcome the incessant surges of pain and discouragement to break the grief cycle.

Ask professional athletes of any sport you can think of and they will tell you about the importance of posture, field vision, depth perception, and focus. Whatever it is that you believe about your current situation will determine your perspective, your aim, your goal, your mission… That’s the importance of what you believe. That is what faith does.

So what do you believe about your current situation?

Believing that there’s no rhyme or reason for whatever you’re going through is like a snowboarder, a quarterback, or an archer that are always looking to the ground or anywhere else except the target. As Zig Ziglar famously said, “If you aim at nothing, you’ll hit it every time.”

Yes, I know, we live in a day and age where faith is associated with all kinds of really weird stuff and we have forgotten about the countless examples of courageous men and women throughout history that refused to become victims of their circumstances and made a deliberate decision to believe on the promises contained on the inerrant Word of God.

That’s right. Even if you thought the Bible was not relevant to your life today I’d really want to encourage you to reconsider your position as there are unmistakable declarations about the sovereignty of God on the lives of His children that can radically change your perspective, your aim, your goal, your mission… and that we simply cannot afford to miss.

“For I know the plans I have for you”, declares the Lord, “plans for welfare and not evil, to give you hope and a future.” — Jeremiah 29:11

So here’s a radical idea, what if our children’s condition was something God allowed in our lives for shâlôwm (welfare) and NOT evil?

What if there was an ultimate goal to this battle and a purpose for all our grief? What if there was a mission plan and a blueprint that could reveal the plans He has for us?

Well, regardless of what our battles may be, that’s exactly the message of the entire Biblical counsel. He knows the plans and His plans are good!

Coincidentally, I’m writing this on Christmas day, the day we celebrate God’s astonishing sovereignty over the whole universe and over the destinies of men. The day we celebrate the fulfillment of the numerous promises revealed in Scripture about the coming of a Savior, one that would become our Pastor, one that would show us “the way, the truth and the life.”

The more we study Scripture the more we’ll understand His breathtaking sovereignty over the destinies of mankind throughout the ages. But ever since the Garden of Eden man’s sinful nature has resisted to the idea of us not being in control and not doing things as we please. We want to be in charge and regain control whenever we feel overpowered, even if it’s by God Himself.

“If anyone would come after Me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. For whoever would save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for My sake and the gospel’s will save it. For what does it profit a man to gain the whole world and forfeit his soul? For what can a man give in return for his soul? 

— Mark 8:32-37 (ESV)

Even if you consider yourself a professing Christian, have you denied yourself, taken up your cross and followed God in the way He demanded it?

We’re inclined to believe that our lives would be better off by us being in control. We’re inclined to think that we can ignore Scripture, redefine the things we don’t like or rewrite it to make things say whatever we want it to say.

For example, Jeremiah 29:11 would read a lot better (we think) if it said, “I know the plans You have for me, God.” We want a road map. A blueprint. We want to understand. We want independence. But God wants the exact opposite for us. He wants us to depend on Him. He wants us to trust Him. He wants us to know that He knows the plans and that His plans are good. Why? Because that’s what we need! We don’t need a plan. We need Him.

Taking up our cross demands giving up control of our lives and following Him demands full, complete and absolute trust. Are you willing to let Him show you the plans He has for you and your children? Are you willing to “die to yourself” and let Him take over?

And, what happens when we trust Him? Well, everything changes!

We’re part of His plan. There’s a purpose. A reason. The mission is no longer ours but His. Circumstances may not change, or at least not immediately but (more importantly) He will change us. He will renew our hearts and minds and will give us a new perspective. We’ll see Him in action. He always is. But now we’ll start to pay attention and He’ll then gives us the discernment to show us that He is in charge, that He loves our children more than we could possibly love them, and that He has never left us nor forsaken us. And so we’d be able to (finally) rest in Him.

He will also give us the ability to know what to do, to discern what’s important from what’s isn’t. In other words, He will give us His wisdom.

Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing. If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him. — James 1:2-5 (ESV)

According to men’s definition, wisdom refers to the ability of acting in accordance with what we know to be true. But according to Scripture, wisdom is something God gives us: It’s the ability to see things the way God sees them.

The more we study His Word the more we’ll know Him. The more we understand His perspective on everything the wiser we’ll become.

Whenever we meet “trials of various kinds” we should go to His Word and ask Him to let us see things the way He sees them. To help us see His plans of welfare, peace, tranquility and contentment (i.e. shâlôwm) for our lives as He has promised and He will show them to us, “generously, and without reproach.”

He will also remind us the reason we’re here and the real purpose for our lives: To know Him and love Him more every day, and to be conformed to the image of his Son.

And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose. For those whom he foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the image of his Son, in order that he might be the firstborn among many brothers.

— Romans 8:28-29 (ESV)

He will show us that all things work together for good for those who love Him and He will reassure us that He who began the good work in us will bring it to completion in our lives. (Philippians 1:6) 

He will remind us that this small parenthesis of eternity we call “life” was never meant to be a zero-sum game. Nothing started and nothing will end here. He will complete His plans in us. He will show us the purpose of all things, how much He’s always loved us and that His plans were always good!

Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths. 

— Proverbs 3:5-6 (ESV)

Finding lasting joy in our daily battle with Autism is possible!

We can look forward into the future with excitement knowing we can fully trust an ultra-loving God with all our hearts and that we can rest in Him.

My prayer is that God can give us His wisdom to understand our mission, to see things the way He sees them, and for what they really are. To give us the strength to be laser-focused in our dependence of Him, the faith to choose victory over guilt and shame, and the hope to look into the future knowing that we can encourage our kids to develop their God-given talents to the best of their abilities.

“I know You can do all things and that no purpose of Yours can be thwarted.”

— Job 42:2